HELLO. I hope you are all enjoying the Christmas season which I guess has already started even though it is not yet December. I write this as I watch the SNL Christmas special on TV...I can only assume that we have moved Christmas to an earlier date. So. You are all invited to my Christmas Eve party on December 10th.
Anywho. Now that I have gotten good news regarding my initial cancer, I have been busy diagnosing myself with other cancers. It is extremely hard to go from having cancer and having doctors make a huge stink of every little ache and pain...to having a simple headache and taking some tylenol. It's an extremely weird transition and even though I am 3 years out of chemo and 4 years a survivor, I--to this day--suffer about 2 cancers per week.
This week is brain cancer and lung cancer. I have a cough. So naturally there is a golf-ball-sized tumor on my lung. Forget about the fact that just last week I had a chest xray and it was clear. It developed over the weekend. Cancer is sneaky like that.
And then, of course, there is the brain tumor I have as well. Originally, I thought I had a deadly case of mastoiditis (thanks WebMD), but then I realized that it was only natural for my bone cancer to travel to my head a week after my blood tests and scans. I will keep you updated on its progress.
In all seriousness folks, for a cancer survivor, every little ache and pain is absolutely terrifying. Especially when we aren't surrounded by doctors and nurses on a daily basis to tell us whether or not our fears are justified. I still haven't quite gotten it through my head that the internet is not the proper replacement for a doctor. But then...I would be in a doctors office every day if I followed my health concerns.
It's sad. It really is. Last spring, after celebrating survivordom at the Young Adult Cancer Conference in Vegas, I came down with bronchitis. I remember walking through the airport barely able to breathe...panicking, calling my dad, trying to find my car, thinking I needed to get myself to a hospital pronto. I went to the school nurse, who sent me to the doctors that day. The doctor was in the room for about 3 minutes. He looked at my throat, listened to my raspy voice, and prescribed amoxicillin...AMOXICILLIN? When he left the room...I was dumbfounded. I had a lowgrade fever. I NEEDED TO BE ADMITTED TO THE HOSPITAL IMMEDIATELY, RIGHT? Shouldn't I be scanned? Blood drawn? Finger pricked? SOMETHING?
And then I thought...this is a milestone. I should be congratulating myself. Congratulations on your first normal-person ailment post-chemo. Normal people have aches and pains from everyday shit. They get headaches, they get stomach aches. They get gas (although, let it be said and understood that gas is pretty awful). To go from being admitted to the hospital with a fever of 99 to being sent home with a fever of 100.3 is a weird phenomenon.
The key is to trust your instincts. If you have an ache and pain that is persistent...if something is seriously, seriously wrong with your body...it will tell you. It will compel you to get help. By the same token, you can't ignore it...that's how the trouble starts. And, as it was with me, if you have a doctor who doesn't take your pain seriously and wants to send you to physical therapy for a bone tumor...you have to advocate for yourself. Know that everyday aches and pains will happen, but don't ignore them when they refuse to be ignored. YOU are the only one who truly knows and understands your own body, so just be wise and take care of it.
And, my fellow cancer survivors, bask in your achievement, in your survivorship, and enjoy the fact that you are here to experience those everyday maladies that are not brain tumors. Or lung tumors. Or mastoiditis.
And don't go on WebMD, or you might just diagnose yourself with prostate cancer, as I did last year.
Thank you, and goodnight!
Jesse
PS. MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!
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