To anyone who knows me...it's no secret...I am addicted to diet coke/diet pepsi. Either one. I love them. Some people snort cocaine, some smoke a pack a day, and some like to obliterate themselves with alcohol (to each his own). I don't partake in smoking, drug use, and even at 21, barely ever drink alcohol. But I cannot stop drinking diet soda...
As a kid, I drank lots of regular soda, and when I went to the doctor at age 10 and was told I was ten pounds more than I should be, she told me to substitute regular soda with diet. I took her advice, and ran. I told myself it was okay because it was zero calories and yada yada yada, all those things suckers say. By high school, I was pounding those big avalanche size drinks that are legit called 'avalanche' that you buy at Hess...I was drinking one or two of them per day. But who the hell cared right??? NO CALORIES IT'S A MIRACLE.
When I think about it, it's kind of funny in a twisted-deadly-in-your-face-told-you-so sort of way. I remember a show I did back in 2005, there was a soda machine in the room next to our rehearsal space, and I was in heaven. I put all my change in a little pocket of my purse and went to town. Everyone in the cast was older than me, and they would all tease me, saying that the diet coke was gonna give me cancer...but I would just shrug it off...I do what I want...you know.
So now it's approximately 3 years later...and I am, in fact, diagnosed with cancer. WTF, right??? I remember laying in the hospital bed, the oncologist sitting beside me...I just looked up at him and asked him straight up, "Is this happening because I drank too much diet soda???" The doc just sort of gave me this look...and said, "Don't be stupid."
Okay, so I sort of felt better. I mean, he himself was drinking diet coke, and he told me that it doesn't give you cancer...
BUT GUESS WHAT ELSE????? The chemo drugs....they did this funny thing to the taste of soda...I just...legit...couldn't taste it. It tasted kind of like...when you're swimming in the ocean (WHICH IS TERRIFYING DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY DEAD PEOPLE ARE PROBS IN THE OCEAN????) and you get plunged under water by a wave. You're taken off guard, so you end up inhaling ocean water and it tastes like...salty, but there's also some sand mixed in there and possibly some pee??? Yeah...that's what soda tasted like.
PERFECT RIGHT (apart from the nausea, baldness, needles, blood, throw up, bruises, shots, constipation, opposite of constipation, pity glances, and horsepills)???????????????? Wrong. It was not, in fact, a solution to the problem. Because Jesse is an old dog, and can't learn new tricks. I totally misused that phrase. Anywho. I was too addicted to soda. SO. I grew accustomed to the one soda that sort of tasted like soda: Dr. Pepper (also the only doctor that didn't ask me if I'd pooped in the past 24 hours.) And when I started putting on weight from a combination drinking too much of him, and laying around in bed for months on end...I didn't give a shit because I was already bald so who really cares???? .. I'd stopped trying to impress the other bald children with my dashing good looks a long timeeeee ago.
When treatment ended, I was put on this crazy, zainy drug that had some sort of name like arogshfdkjlcxhkmcyclene. And it totally made me not crave food. SO. I looked good, and still got to drink as much Dr. Pepper as I wanted.
But as my recovery progressed, I didn't need rseioptueriopHWEOPADBEJIOBFKDJCAPSLOCKcyclene anymore...and I'm not gonna say I was fat...but I was...not...skinny.
AND AT MUSICAL THEATER SCHOOL...well let's just say...the pressure is on to be skinty skinty skinty. So who was there for me???
That sexy old devil...diet pepsi.
So long story made somewhat shorter...I'm addicted to diet soda. Badly. And while I've been reassured over and over again that it doesn't give you cancer...I know that it has no nutritional value, and can actually lead to food cravings, making you even fatter. With my fragile health history, and barely-hanging-in-there kidneys...I know it's time for a change. I've known for a long time, but never knew how to go about quitting my special friend.
But with this blog...and all of the support and love its garnered...I decided this is how I'm going to do it. I am going to quit diet pepsi publicly. So if I fail...you will all think I'm a big puss. And I don't want to fail...because I'm not a big puss. I'm a f*c*i*g warrior. My tat says so.
So each week when I post, I will do a small little summary of my progress. And there will be progress because I don't want to let my blog-readers down. I mean, I beat the shit out of cancer...this should be easy, right???? I know it won't be. But I also know it's going to help me out a lot in the long run.
Here we go dear blog readers. After I post this to the page, I'm going to pour myself a farewell glass of my poison...and then it's curtains for coke.
Here goes nothing!
Jesse
PS. OMG THE SPICE GIRLS WAS MY FAVORITE OLYMPIC EVENT!!!
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