What I Know For Sure: A Reflection

So just as often as I hear "you're very inspiring", I hear "you must have this wonderful, new outlook on life.  You must be very wise for your age."
    Okay.  I can agree with that.  I know a lot of things.  All of which I've learned since my diagnosis, and they are very important to carry with me and keep in mind as I go through life.  I thought I'd list them for you today.

As a disgruntled, 20-something cancer survivor, I know this much is true:

1.  Reality TV is 100% real.  Really.  New York, Flave, Brett Michaels...they're so brave to put their dating life on TV for us all to watch them fall in love and spread warts.  Jersey Shore...UGH...bravo, you beautiful people.  Your tan escapades give me hope that one day, I too can be a slutty, drunk, burned up, VD-infested, T-Shirt-Shop-Working millionaire.  

2.  Everyone should go out and purchase the biggest, most obnoxious pairs of sunglasses you can find (fake regular glasses too).  Life is too short to blend in to the background, or have sun in your eyes.  If you don't wear the gaudiest, showiest sunglasses or frames you can find...you will be blinded by the light (see what I did there???).

(props to Matthew Danko, for finding these glasses)

3.  Anyone who doesn't think a puppy can cure all sadness needs a puppy.  My little guy was the perfect cure for the cancer blues.

4.  Everyone, everyone, everyone is an idiot.  Including you.  Including me.  Including you.  But not Victoria Beckham.

5.  When in doubt, go to sleep.

6.  Nipples cost extra in breast reconstruction. I learned this from cancer-waiting-room-literature.  Mind! BLOWN!  Hmm.  Anything above 50 bucks a nip would be a little out of my price range I think.  

7A.  In a doctors office, the most important thing to everyone is your poop.  So always make an accurate evaluation before you go in, so you know what to tell the docs.  
  B. The greatest words you can ever hear from a doctor (other than you're not cancerous anymore)  are 'you should eat more.  just eat whatever you want.'  

8.  I'm taking Kanye as my date to the TONYS so if I win, he can ridicule me and everyone will feel bad for me and I'll become more famous.

9. Chemotherapy means CURTAINS FOR ACNE!  SO F***K YOU PROACTIVE!!!

10. We should never, ever, ever stifle our emotions.  Because if we never show emotion, we'll cheat on Rob Pattinson with our Snow White and the Huntsman director and become shunned by the middle school girls of America.

For everyone who thinks I'm this wise pillar of post-cancer wisdom, I'm sorry.  I'm not.  Like most cancer survivors, I just want to get on with my life.  Has cancer changed the way I think?  A little bit, but honestly...not all that much.  I sometimes feel like I should be this great, wonderful person who is happy each day she's alive.  But to quote Veronica Sawyer in my favorite movie Heathers...

"If you were happy every day of your life, you wouldn't be a human being; you'd be a game show host."

I'm just like you.  But because I understand the ten facts stated in this blog, I'm ahead of the game.

Love,
Jesse

PS:  CLOSING WEEKEND OF GREASE 315-479-SHOW.  Come see me do breast-perking exercises!!!!  HURRAY!