The keys are in the fruitbowl, why???

    Yesterday, while I was getting ready for a run through of the show I am currently in, I looked into my little box where I keep my costume jewelry, and there was only one earring.  I have a minor conniption over this (OCD--and no, not just saying that, check my zoloft), and then get to work trying to find it.  I look on the floor, the general area of my part of the dressing table, and then make a whiny announcement to the room that my earring is missing.  I get huffy, and pissy, as if someone has done this to me in order to see me poop my pants (because I would), and then start brainstorming where it could be.  
   I glance back down into the box, and there are two earrings.  What the fuck.  "I swear to God there was one earring..." the girl next to me nods in agreement as if to say, "I accept that you're completely insane."  (Love you, KW)
   Now reading this over, I can't help but think this is the most boring piece of shit story I've ever heard.  But let me explain: these sort of things happen to me multiple times per day.  I am the poster-child for chemo brain.  I lose everything, put things in strange places, walk into rooms and forget why I'm there, and could not for the life of me tell you what I ate this morning.  In more than half of my daily converations, I trail off midsentence, and eventually just give up.  I laugh it off with some sort of comment like, "I literally have no idea what I'm talking about," or "I seriously don't remember what I'm supposed to be saying."  But to be honest, it scares me.
    Yes, I know many people are saying "hey, I'm like that too, you're just being dramatic."  And to you, I say kiss my ass.  I HAVE BEEN A TOTALLY AND COMPLETELY SCATTER-BRAINED NUTCASE since chemo ended.  
   
    So let's do some wikipedia-ing since this is my blog and I can use wikipedia if I want to.  


   Ohhhh very nice wikipedia!!! They like to call it "Post-Chemotherapy Cognitive Impairment."  You see, it must have been changed to chemo brain because all the baldies who have it can't remember that goddamn name.
  Anywho. Let's learn more about Post-Chemotherapy Cognitive Impairment.   I quote directly, "Survivors often report difficulty multitasking, comprehending what they've just read, following the thread of a conversation, and retrieving words"  


OMG! I FEEL LIKE I JUST SAID THAT.


"While frustrating, the ultimate outcome is very good: symptoms typically disappear in about four years."  Oh good, good.  I just gotta hope I don't burn the fu****g house down in the next four years. HURRAH.


I think my favorite quote from wikipedia is this one:


"Post-chemotherapy cognitive impairment comes as a surprise to many cancer survivors. Often, survivors think their lives will return to normal when the cancer is gone, only to find that the lingering effects of post-chemotherapy cognitive impairment impede their efforts. Working, connecting with loved ones, carrying out day-to-day tasks—all can be very challenging for an impaired brain. Although post-chemotherapy cognitive impairment appears to be temporary, it can be quite long-lived, with some cases lasting 10 years or more."


For real though.  All Post-Chemotherapy Conducive Impartialness aside, I don't remember what life was like before chemo and cancer, and I don't know one cancer survivor who does.  So for me to ever expect to go back to normal...would be silly.  I'm never gonna be normal.  I'm going to wear the strongest sunblock, most body-covering swimsuits, oversized sunglasses and large sunhats in the summer to avoid radiation.  I'm going to drink massive amounts of fluids to keep my kidneys working.  I'm going to see 7 doctors in two weeks.  I'm going to have purple neupogen bruises on my legs and a big scar on my chest, and thin wispy hair.  And I'm going to put my car keys in the fruitbowl.  It's all good, though.  "Normalcy" is subjective.

Oh my godddd so philosophical.......


Whatevs,
Jesse


PS>>>>OH MAH GAH KATIE HOLMES YOU GO GURLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!